Bloody Rocks
My mother always told me that there’s a first time for everything.
She would always warn me about that big rock on my front lawn
“stop playing out there!” she’d scold “You’re gonna hurt yourself on that rock!”
One time, I was running around my front yard picking flowers for my mother but I tripped and skinned my knee on that rock;
my mother was right
My first instinct was to cry, so I did.
I cried until my nose was stuffy and my eyes were red.
My big sister told me that I looked high;
I told her that didn’t make sense because I was on the ground.
My mother comforted me and got me a bandaid and some neosporin
“Darling it’ll be okay again don’t worry, but you have to be careful of that rock! It’s dangerous.”
As she was yelling about the rock, all I could think about was the bouquet of flowers that I never finished picking.
I think back to when I didn’t have many worries in the world.
I worried about missing the Power Puff Girls on Saturday mornings,
and I worried about what would happen if I didn’t finish my vegetables,
hell, I even worried about the spelling tests that I had every single friday
but I’d go back
I’d go back and worry about that stuff all over again.
My first skinned knee was the first first thing that I remember.
I remember the way if felt to be hurt and crying;
I remember the look on my sisters face when she saw me with red puffy eyes and a bloody knee;
I don’t mind remembering it.
I also remember my first kiss back in the 6th grade-
Jake kissed me on the cheek.
He told me that I had pretty eyes and that he wanted to be my boyfriend;
my sixth grade relationship was my most normal relationship
I remember getting drunk at Hanna’s party freshmen year for the first time
I felt so cool sipping on Blue Moon with Danny on her front porch
I always thought he was so cute
We made out that night;
but never again after that
I remember summer going into my Junior year
Tricia and I did nothing more than ride our bikes through crappy forest preserves smoking pot
We thought we were so cool
until that one night when the park ranger caught us and we dropped that shit and ran for our lives
We’ll never forget it though
Junior year I met Kenny and my life changed forever
He transferred from some school I’d never heard of
I don’t even remember what it was called
I wish I did
I fell for his perfect teeth and bad boy attitude
his grades were horrible , straight D’s
mine were pretty average.
My sister always told me not to be a high school fuck up like her
all she did was smoke and drink
I never understood why
Kenny made me understand
His ash gray eyes lured me in that hot summer night, mid july
We sat in the back of his pickup truck and looked up at the stars for hours
I told my mom I was at Tricias
I gave it up to him that night
That first time changed everything for me
His hand moved up my thigh, slowly;
suddenly I was taking off his shirt
and he was taking off mine
It was a picture perfect scenario;
that moment feels like a lifetime ago
He was my first time,
my first love .
He turned into my first heart break.
I still remember that day I skinned my knee,
God i would go back and skin my knee 11 more times and it wouldn’t hurt half as much
Kenny and I had sex 11 times
I’ll never forget those wild bangers he used to take me too;
he never gave a shit.
“Go big or go home” he would always tell me.
August 29th 2014
I was supposed to be home "not a second after midnight", but
Kenny and I were off the shits.
We were too high to even think but
dammit it felt amazing.
The best high of my life,
but also the worst.
Kenny was killed that night
He was dropping me off at home and on the way inside at 4:22am some guy yelled his name
“Kayla, get inside”
“Kenny what’s going on?”
“I’ll call you tomorrow get inside”
I ran to my bedroom window on the side of the house.
As I was about to climb through, yelling broke out between Kenny and that bald man who looked like he was in his late 30's.
I heard a gunshot and the yelling stopped;
a car door slammed shut and tires shrieked.
I ran back to the front and Kenny was laying lifeless on my lawn.
There was no car in sight
Blood was coming from his chest, right where the bullet was,
but there was also blood on his head.
Between sobs, I lifted his head and noticed there was a rock beneath it.
I scanned my surroundings and something felt oddly familiar.
When the police showed up at 4:26am I lost all of the coloring in my body
He was pronounced dead at 4:28am
I’m getting straight D’s and I’m a bigger fuck up than my sister.
I’ve gone to hell and back a hundred times but now I’m stuck in hell and I don’t see myself getting out anytime soon
Last night I went to Kenny’s grave for the first time.
My mother wasn’t kidding, there really is a first time for everything.
I spend my nights sitting up thinking about the what if’s.
God what if I never met Kenny
what if we didn’t get high that night
what if I listened to my mother and got home when I was supposed to,
not a second after midnight.
When my mother was scolding me about the rock, I shouldn’t have payed so much attention to the damn flowers.
She would always warn me about that big rock on my front lawn
“stop playing out there!” she’d scold “You’re gonna hurt yourself on that rock!”
One time, I was running around my front yard picking flowers for my mother but I tripped and skinned my knee on that rock;
my mother was right
My first instinct was to cry, so I did.
I cried until my nose was stuffy and my eyes were red.
My big sister told me that I looked high;
I told her that didn’t make sense because I was on the ground.
My mother comforted me and got me a bandaid and some neosporin
“Darling it’ll be okay again don’t worry, but you have to be careful of that rock! It’s dangerous.”
As she was yelling about the rock, all I could think about was the bouquet of flowers that I never finished picking.
I think back to when I didn’t have many worries in the world.
I worried about missing the Power Puff Girls on Saturday mornings,
and I worried about what would happen if I didn’t finish my vegetables,
hell, I even worried about the spelling tests that I had every single friday
but I’d go back
I’d go back and worry about that stuff all over again.
My first skinned knee was the first first thing that I remember.
I remember the way if felt to be hurt and crying;
I remember the look on my sisters face when she saw me with red puffy eyes and a bloody knee;
I don’t mind remembering it.
I also remember my first kiss back in the 6th grade-
Jake kissed me on the cheek.
He told me that I had pretty eyes and that he wanted to be my boyfriend;
my sixth grade relationship was my most normal relationship
I remember getting drunk at Hanna’s party freshmen year for the first time
I felt so cool sipping on Blue Moon with Danny on her front porch
I always thought he was so cute
We made out that night;
but never again after that
I remember summer going into my Junior year
Tricia and I did nothing more than ride our bikes through crappy forest preserves smoking pot
We thought we were so cool
until that one night when the park ranger caught us and we dropped that shit and ran for our lives
We’ll never forget it though
Junior year I met Kenny and my life changed forever
He transferred from some school I’d never heard of
I don’t even remember what it was called
I wish I did
I fell for his perfect teeth and bad boy attitude
his grades were horrible , straight D’s
mine were pretty average.
My sister always told me not to be a high school fuck up like her
all she did was smoke and drink
I never understood why
Kenny made me understand
His ash gray eyes lured me in that hot summer night, mid july
We sat in the back of his pickup truck and looked up at the stars for hours
I told my mom I was at Tricias
I gave it up to him that night
That first time changed everything for me
His hand moved up my thigh, slowly;
suddenly I was taking off his shirt
and he was taking off mine
It was a picture perfect scenario;
that moment feels like a lifetime ago
He was my first time,
my first love .
He turned into my first heart break.
I still remember that day I skinned my knee,
God i would go back and skin my knee 11 more times and it wouldn’t hurt half as much
Kenny and I had sex 11 times
I’ll never forget those wild bangers he used to take me too;
he never gave a shit.
“Go big or go home” he would always tell me.
August 29th 2014
I was supposed to be home "not a second after midnight", but
Kenny and I were off the shits.
We were too high to even think but
dammit it felt amazing.
The best high of my life,
but also the worst.
Kenny was killed that night
He was dropping me off at home and on the way inside at 4:22am some guy yelled his name
“Kayla, get inside”
“Kenny what’s going on?”
“I’ll call you tomorrow get inside”
I ran to my bedroom window on the side of the house.
As I was about to climb through, yelling broke out between Kenny and that bald man who looked like he was in his late 30's.
I heard a gunshot and the yelling stopped;
a car door slammed shut and tires shrieked.
I ran back to the front and Kenny was laying lifeless on my lawn.
There was no car in sight
Blood was coming from his chest, right where the bullet was,
but there was also blood on his head.
Between sobs, I lifted his head and noticed there was a rock beneath it.
I scanned my surroundings and something felt oddly familiar.
When the police showed up at 4:26am I lost all of the coloring in my body
He was pronounced dead at 4:28am
I’m getting straight D’s and I’m a bigger fuck up than my sister.
I’ve gone to hell and back a hundred times but now I’m stuck in hell and I don’t see myself getting out anytime soon
Last night I went to Kenny’s grave for the first time.
My mother wasn’t kidding, there really is a first time for everything.
I spend my nights sitting up thinking about the what if’s.
God what if I never met Kenny
what if we didn’t get high that night
what if I listened to my mother and got home when I was supposed to,
not a second after midnight.
When my mother was scolding me about the rock, I shouldn’t have payed so much attention to the damn flowers.