Clearwater Beach
When I heard it, I felt at peace
I realized why my mother loved it so much
She would always tell me about the ocean and
how calm it made her feel
The way that the waves hit the shore,
the sound of the tide crashing against the ocean rocks,
the way the sand felt on your bare feet
She loved it
She made me love it without even trying
Living in Chicago,
she never had the chance to take me
She was out of work and Pa was too busy getting drunk to get a job
We couldn't afford a vacation
But when she died,
I never worked so hard in my life.
Agonizing hours stuffing bags at the grocery store
for people who are never going to really know you
or converse with you
Hours of boredom
From the grocery store to
Barnes and Noble
The work didn’t stop
Until
I was sitting at Clearwater Beach,
in Northwest Florida
Watching the waves hit the shore
and listening to the tide crashing into those ocean rocks
Paying attention to the feeling of the sand on my bare feet
It was peaceful
It is peaceful
Now I know why she loved it so much
Sitting there, looking out into forever
I wondered what my mother would have said
or what my mother would have thought
if she saw me sitting there,
alone
I think about her
and her stories
and the way she loved this place
a lot
Eventually missing her became too much
So I moved out here
Scraped up the money somehow some way
I have a little house on the beach.
Clearwater Beach,
in Midwest Florida
Every year on the anniversary of her death
the moon reflects onto the ocean and I go outside
I watch the waves hit the shore
I listen to the tide crashing against those ocean rocks
I feel the sand on my feet
and sometimes if I’m lucky,
and I mean really lucky
I see my mother
I see her swimming into forever
She looks beautiful
She looks like she’s at peace
And I smile
not because I’m happy but
because she’s happy
I realized why my mother loved it so much
She would always tell me about the ocean and
how calm it made her feel
The way that the waves hit the shore,
the sound of the tide crashing against the ocean rocks,
the way the sand felt on your bare feet
She loved it
She made me love it without even trying
Living in Chicago,
she never had the chance to take me
She was out of work and Pa was too busy getting drunk to get a job
We couldn't afford a vacation
But when she died,
I never worked so hard in my life.
Agonizing hours stuffing bags at the grocery store
for people who are never going to really know you
or converse with you
Hours of boredom
From the grocery store to
Barnes and Noble
The work didn’t stop
Until
I was sitting at Clearwater Beach,
in Northwest Florida
Watching the waves hit the shore
and listening to the tide crashing into those ocean rocks
Paying attention to the feeling of the sand on my bare feet
It was peaceful
It is peaceful
Now I know why she loved it so much
Sitting there, looking out into forever
I wondered what my mother would have said
or what my mother would have thought
if she saw me sitting there,
alone
I think about her
and her stories
and the way she loved this place
a lot
Eventually missing her became too much
So I moved out here
Scraped up the money somehow some way
I have a little house on the beach.
Clearwater Beach,
in Midwest Florida
Every year on the anniversary of her death
the moon reflects onto the ocean and I go outside
I watch the waves hit the shore
I listen to the tide crashing against those ocean rocks
I feel the sand on my feet
and sometimes if I’m lucky,
and I mean really lucky
I see my mother
I see her swimming into forever
She looks beautiful
She looks like she’s at peace
And I smile
not because I’m happy but
because she’s happy
